confession

When I became a mom, I thought, in my deluded completely unrealistic mind, that I would automatically, just from becoming a mom, be good at the things that Moms do...and, that they would come naturally.

You know, things like, cleaning house, ironing clothes, having matchy-matchy children, washing dishes, cooking dinner (although, I should have been able to dismiss this as it hadn't happened naturally at this point in my marriage so why would a baby change that??).

Anyway, I looked towards my Mom and grandmothers and other female relatives, and it seemed to come easily for them. It seemed like a natural progression of their days to tend to babies and house and spouse and not feel begrudged about those things.

But y'all, that was one big lie that created ridiculous amounts of guilt and resentment towards myself.

It doesn't work that way.

Things don't just change into some convuluted imagined lifestyle that we create in our heads.

I have never been a neat-freak. I will not ever be a neat-freak. But I have learned daily habits and patterns that make my home neater than not, at least most of the time...ok, SOME of the time.

I will not LIKE doing dishes. Cleaning bathrooms. Sweeping floors.

But I will do them. And I will learn to do them without holding a grudge towards the entire world that its a required part of family life.

The greatness of motherhood was almost stolen from me because I was beleieving the lies that I was not ENOUGH because I was not the sum parts of all the fantastic mothers I knew in real life, from tv, magazines or that I'd created in my head. I had subjected to myself to a competetion that was only real because I allowed it to be real.

And now I say, His grace is ENOUGH. His grace is made perfect in my weakness. His grace covers my parenting.

And now, while I may not fight the overarching ideals of motherhood that I had created, I can fight against the daily grind to choose this moment with my family over my to do list. I can choose to have a lighter heart knowing that God knew my family before it became to be. He choose my girls for me. My husband. My home. In Him, in His provision, I can find rest that whatever I do is enough.

(this post inspired by .Mom Conference...more to come)