I am really bad at seeing an ordinary task or project as a special event.
What I mean is, I am really bad at recognizing the opportunity to make memories.
The opportunity to experience something as a family.
To create those little special moments together that are not every day.
Instead, I choose to do the ordinary.
I forget that extraordinary is an option.
I see the chance for uninterrupted productive time instead of the chance to spend quality time uninterrupted.
I forget to choose.
I allow myself to be constrained. To feel forced. Obligated.
I forget that the things that bind me are the things that won't matter.
Things I won't remember. They won't remember.
Things that are every day. Ordinary. Non-obtrusive.
I forget that choosing experience must be deliberate.
I forget that expectations are mostly in my head.
I forget that you don't get today back... ever.
I forget that you don't get first times back...ever.
I forget that when you choose, whether you recognize that you are choosing or not, that your choice is bigger than you. It is always bigger than you alone.
I want to see life lived.
I want to see everyday as an adventure.
I want to capture every smile, laugh and memory with my family.
I want to relish the life we have.
I want to jump into memories.
I want to live without regrets.
Without constraints.
Without one eye on the clock.
And without schedules on the brain.
I want to live it right the first time, every time.
Showing posts with label So Not ____. Show all posts
Showing posts with label So Not ____. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 1
Friday, February 11
What Works For Us
I think, just like most everyone else out there, that our parenting style is a mesh of different philosophies and practices... here are things that have worked... do work...or that we believe in at our house.
1. Routine and schedule is important. Especially when it comes to naps and bedtimes.
2. Telling your children what you don't like should not occur before said child gets a chance to try it for themselves.
3. Juice, sweets and junky foods have a rightful place in a kids diet... meaning, they should be special treats at snacktime, not a standard for any meal. That being said, Hayley does eat box mac-n-cheese and the like, we all know by now that getting "from scratch" meals is not a real option at our house. But we do try to balance with variety.
4. For us, letting the toddler lead the potty training experience made for an easy transition (within 6 months from first wearing pull-up).
5. Telling a toddler what is expected before entering a situation usually makes said situation much easier to handle (and eliminates a lot of the no, you can't discussions in public places)
6. Teaching young kids is all about their surroundings. Do you see that....? What color is.....? What do we do when.....?
7. Puzzles and books are great starters for the observational teaching method (yes I just called it that, no I don't know if that is real or not... probably is but has a fancier name) as they show objects that kids can find in their world.
8. TV stays off 95% of the time that children are awake. In the last 3-4 months, Hayley has expressed interest in cartoons so she watches cartoons that we approve of on Saturday mornings. However, as infants, for the most part, the TV stayed off until they went to bed. Even now, there are very few shows (even those that aren' t necessarily vulgar) that are left on when the girls are awake.
9. We encourage pretend and imagination play. Give them a cardboard box. Let them use replica items of real-life items.
10. We talk through everything. If one of our girls is watching us intently, we talk them through what we are doing. Even in public. Even if it makes us look like we've gone nuts or makes us sound like we are commentators on a National Geographic special.
That being said, please know that if you parent now, or plan to parent, differently... GO. FOR. IT. The one and only rule that bypasses all other parenting rules is simply this: You, the parent, know and will work out what is best for your child, your family, your house.
Here's my list of Things That I Used To Have Mommy-guilt over, (but I now know that they just don't work for us, and guess what, its totally fine!):
1. I don't make nor have I ever made my own baby food.
2. I think cloth diapering is way more close and extended time with dirty diapers than I care to experience.
3. I work full-time. Michael works full-time. Our kids go to daycare at 6-8 weeks old.
4. We immunize at the times the pediatrician recommends.
5. We let our babies be swaddled as infants and sleep with loosely wrapped blankets when they are capable of rolling over on their own. I mean, who wants to sleep without covers? Not ME!
6. I have not "made" anything of significance in craftiness or decoration-ness or scrapbooking-ness for either of my children. I have however, taken 18,000 pictures since 2006. Are they printed? No, but its my list so we don't have to go that far. : )
7. We don't bathe the girls every day of every week. Even though their Breeze and Aunt Mischa do. Which works for them (and for me!) : )
8. We let Hayley have fast food on occasion... even from McDonalds if it be the case.
9. My girls always, always, always started off right from the hospital in their own rooms in their own beds. This is not to say that Bowen did as well with this as Hayley... Bowen spent many times sleeping in the swing from 3 a.m. - 6 a.m.
10. My girls have weapons in their toy boxes... not real ones, but plastic guns are in there right along the set of princess plastic dishes and their own fishing poles... they have boy cousins who were here first and thus so were the guns... This allows us to teach "we shoot animals not people!" lessons and also lets Hayley have quality bonding time with her Daddy while they watch hunting shows in the early morning hours.
So, what about you? Even if you don't comment ever or often... do you have mommy guilt? Do you have a strong conviction over a certain area of parenting?
1. Routine and schedule is important. Especially when it comes to naps and bedtimes.
2. Telling your children what you don't like should not occur before said child gets a chance to try it for themselves.
3. Juice, sweets and junky foods have a rightful place in a kids diet... meaning, they should be special treats at snacktime, not a standard for any meal. That being said, Hayley does eat box mac-n-cheese and the like, we all know by now that getting "from scratch" meals is not a real option at our house. But we do try to balance with variety.
4. For us, letting the toddler lead the potty training experience made for an easy transition (within 6 months from first wearing pull-up).
5. Telling a toddler what is expected before entering a situation usually makes said situation much easier to handle (and eliminates a lot of the no, you can't discussions in public places)
6. Teaching young kids is all about their surroundings. Do you see that....? What color is.....? What do we do when.....?
7. Puzzles and books are great starters for the observational teaching method (yes I just called it that, no I don't know if that is real or not... probably is but has a fancier name) as they show objects that kids can find in their world.
8. TV stays off 95% of the time that children are awake. In the last 3-4 months, Hayley has expressed interest in cartoons so she watches cartoons that we approve of on Saturday mornings. However, as infants, for the most part, the TV stayed off until they went to bed. Even now, there are very few shows (even those that aren' t necessarily vulgar) that are left on when the girls are awake.
9. We encourage pretend and imagination play. Give them a cardboard box. Let them use replica items of real-life items.
10. We talk through everything. If one of our girls is watching us intently, we talk them through what we are doing. Even in public. Even if it makes us look like we've gone nuts or makes us sound like we are commentators on a National Geographic special.
That being said, please know that if you parent now, or plan to parent, differently... GO. FOR. IT. The one and only rule that bypasses all other parenting rules is simply this: You, the parent, know and will work out what is best for your child, your family, your house.
Here's my list of Things That I Used To Have Mommy-guilt over, (but I now know that they just don't work for us, and guess what, its totally fine!):
1. I don't make nor have I ever made my own baby food.
2. I think cloth diapering is way more close and extended time with dirty diapers than I care to experience.
3. I work full-time. Michael works full-time. Our kids go to daycare at 6-8 weeks old.
4. We immunize at the times the pediatrician recommends.
5. We let our babies be swaddled as infants and sleep with loosely wrapped blankets when they are capable of rolling over on their own. I mean, who wants to sleep without covers? Not ME!
6. I have not "made" anything of significance in craftiness or decoration-ness or scrapbooking-ness for either of my children. I have however, taken 18,000 pictures since 2006. Are they printed? No, but its my list so we don't have to go that far. : )
7. We don't bathe the girls every day of every week. Even though their Breeze and Aunt Mischa do. Which works for them (and for me!) : )
8. We let Hayley have fast food on occasion... even from McDonalds if it be the case.
9. My girls always, always, always started off right from the hospital in their own rooms in their own beds. This is not to say that Bowen did as well with this as Hayley... Bowen spent many times sleeping in the swing from 3 a.m. - 6 a.m.
10. My girls have weapons in their toy boxes... not real ones, but plastic guns are in there right along the set of princess plastic dishes and their own fishing poles... they have boy cousins who were here first and thus so were the guns... This allows us to teach "we shoot animals not people!" lessons and also lets Hayley have quality bonding time with her Daddy while they watch hunting shows in the early morning hours.
So, what about you? Even if you don't comment ever or often... do you have mommy guilt? Do you have a strong conviction over a certain area of parenting?
So Not Supermom
As you read here and here , the beginning of 2011 has involved a good bit of introspective/outpouring on my part.
I struggle greatly with what I think that others think of me. I don't neccessarily have to have the approval of others my age, but agreeance within my extended family and friends whom I wish to grow relationships deeper within is a whole 'nother story.
So today, I continue with my previous two posts... and sidenote: have you noticed the trend towards "less than perfect life" blogging across the blogosphere... maybe that's part of my inspiration too.
1. When both my kids are having whiney/crying fits at the same time, I want to stick my fingers in my ears and hum and close my eyes. I would rather be ANYWHERE but having 2 unhappy kids at the same time (alongside me in the middle of something that delays my ability to respond to their demands.. you know, like the 2 minutes I spend pretending to clean a day or cooking the very occasional meal on my own.)
2. I have to really work at balancing my quality time with my girls! I try to keep track of making sure both girls get lap time and play time and general happy time with Mama alongside the times that are filled with the "no" or "play by yourself for __ minutes while Mama does ____"
3. I find myself in the mothering stance of pushing rules and "be careful" and "don't do" much easier than I do in rewarding simple pleasures and taking simple actions (like saying yes immediately to reading a book when I'm doing something that could be finished later).
4. I have a hard time controlling the level of frustration in my voice when I get overwhelmed. I hear myself say to them "just stop. stop that ____ for just a minute and I'll be right there!" I want my words to be love-filled, even when they are instructing.
5. I am a comparer by nature. I don't need to know or have to know if my girls are average or behind or above average, but I do compare parenting styles (sometimes if they are even perceived.) Oh, you did that to teach her this? I never do that... hmmm... or "we do this, not that"
6. More often than I would like to really admit, I am on countdown to bedtime mode... and I am very routine based with the way our evenings progress (which is good, but can be too restraining on free expression/time with Hayley).
ok, now, a slight change of pace on the next post... I promise!
I struggle greatly with what I think that others think of me. I don't neccessarily have to have the approval of others my age, but agreeance within my extended family and friends whom I wish to grow relationships deeper within is a whole 'nother story.
So today, I continue with my previous two posts... and sidenote: have you noticed the trend towards "less than perfect life" blogging across the blogosphere... maybe that's part of my inspiration too.
1. When both my kids are having whiney/crying fits at the same time, I want to stick my fingers in my ears and hum and close my eyes. I would rather be ANYWHERE but having 2 unhappy kids at the same time (alongside me in the middle of something that delays my ability to respond to their demands.. you know, like the 2 minutes I spend pretending to clean a day or cooking the very occasional meal on my own.)
2. I have to really work at balancing my quality time with my girls! I try to keep track of making sure both girls get lap time and play time and general happy time with Mama alongside the times that are filled with the "no" or "play by yourself for __ minutes while Mama does ____"
3. I find myself in the mothering stance of pushing rules and "be careful" and "don't do" much easier than I do in rewarding simple pleasures and taking simple actions (like saying yes immediately to reading a book when I'm doing something that could be finished later).
4. I have a hard time controlling the level of frustration in my voice when I get overwhelmed. I hear myself say to them "just stop. stop that ____ for just a minute and I'll be right there!" I want my words to be love-filled, even when they are instructing.
5. I am a comparer by nature. I don't need to know or have to know if my girls are average or behind or above average, but I do compare parenting styles (sometimes if they are even perceived.) Oh, you did that to teach her this? I never do that... hmmm... or "we do this, not that"
6. More often than I would like to really admit, I am on countdown to bedtime mode... and I am very routine based with the way our evenings progress (which is good, but can be too restraining on free expression/time with Hayley).
ok, now, a slight change of pace on the next post... I promise!
Wednesday, February 9
I'm no Martha Stewart
So if you can't tell my the theme thats run rampant in my last few posts... I'm dealing a lot with honesty and expectations in my life. I get SO bogged down in what I think is expected of me from other people and I have trouble admitting that its "just not in me"... when that's what it mostly is...whatever "it" is, is not a priority or an ease of accomplishment or skill or whatever it may be.
In order to turn off all those expectations which then affect emotion which bring us back to the .2 second panic button, I'm having to come to terms with not being whatever it is that I think people expect in me (even though, sometimes, I think what I think that they think that they expect of me may not be the case at all...did you follow that?)
1. I'm no Martha Stewart. My windows don't have curtains...as in none of them.
2. I'm no Betty Crocker. My kitchen is best utilized by my husband... cooking is not something that comes easily for me... I have no cooking instincts, I'm very direction based and I'm very "ease of completion" oriented.
3. I'm no whomever-it-is-that-keeps-their-home-spotless. No really, I'm not. And don't tell me that it can't be as bad as I think... because it is! Just ask my Mom and Sister who spend at least 5 minutes everytime they are over picking up toys/clothes that belong to the girls that I've been stepping over and around for 2 days. I despise cleaning of all levels...even though I love the way the counters and sinks look when they are empty and when you can actually see the carpet without an overlayer of toys. I am awful at putting clothes away once they are clean! I am awful at washing clothes until one somebody is out of something that they need tomorrow or else they go naked.(I still continue and plan to continue blaming this on the fact that my washer and dryer requires a trip outside to get to.)
to be continued.
In order to turn off all those expectations which then affect emotion which bring us back to the .2 second panic button, I'm having to come to terms with not being whatever it is that I think people expect in me (even though, sometimes, I think what I think that they think that they expect of me may not be the case at all...did you follow that?)
1. I'm no Martha Stewart. My windows don't have curtains...as in none of them.
2. I'm no Betty Crocker. My kitchen is best utilized by my husband... cooking is not something that comes easily for me... I have no cooking instincts, I'm very direction based and I'm very "ease of completion" oriented.
3. I'm no whomever-it-is-that-keeps-their-home-spotless. No really, I'm not. And don't tell me that it can't be as bad as I think... because it is! Just ask my Mom and Sister who spend at least 5 minutes everytime they are over picking up toys/clothes that belong to the girls that I've been stepping over and around for 2 days. I despise cleaning of all levels...even though I love the way the counters and sinks look when they are empty and when you can actually see the carpet without an overlayer of toys. I am awful at putting clothes away once they are clean! I am awful at washing clothes until one somebody is out of something that they need tomorrow or else they go naked.(I still continue and plan to continue blaming this on the fact that my washer and dryer requires a trip outside to get to.)
to be continued.
Tuesday, February 8
i have problems
I mean, we all have problems, but coming to terms with what our problems are... that is usually just the first of our problems!
Problem 1: I am extremely skeptical of people... for instance, do you really want to be my friend or are you just being nice? So I have LOTS of issues in talking and establishing relationship (even though its the deepest desire of my heart to be truly connected with those whom we do life with!)
Problem 2: I am an extremely picky eater.... this doesn't bother me all that much, but it does bother/offend/mystify other people who want to have us over to eat or bring us food or pick a restaurant or throw a baby shower or what not. I really don't mind not eating somewhere but it does make it really akward for me to have to give an opinion on food choices just because I'm the pickiest.... it makes me feel like no one else ever has the chance to just eat/order/cook what they enjoy the most!
Problem 3: I have a pretty good "fake face" when it comes to saying/doing the right things at church. I think its a Southern Baptist thing, you just get engrained with what the standard "Sunday School" answer is and it limits us into a boxed faith that is less than authentic. Something that hurts not only our own faith but diminishes the power of our faith witness in life.
Problem 4: I can jump off the deep end in 0.2 seconds...whether its true crisis or not...it takes all of no time for me to switch into full-out panic/despair/this-is-the-worst/I-don't-know-what-to-do spiral. Michael says I need to learn to let loose my panic button.
Problem 5: I have a really hard time living an active faith at work. I mean, I'm not a completely different person, but its really hard to balance the God factor with the "You're in trouble...don't make me have to fire you" kind of conversations. I don't want this! I want to be substantial in my witness and consistent across surroundings.
Problem 6: I eat cookies for breakfast. Which means when I'm home and my children are home, I can't eat them for breakfast because I'm a good double-standard Mom who wants them to be healthier and less picky than I am. Hencetotherefore, I am in need of a easy breakfast solution for weekends..because my cooking level/skill/desire, or lack there of, is a whole 'nother post in its self.
Problem 1: I am extremely skeptical of people... for instance, do you really want to be my friend or are you just being nice? So I have LOTS of issues in talking and establishing relationship (even though its the deepest desire of my heart to be truly connected with those whom we do life with!)
Problem 2: I am an extremely picky eater.... this doesn't bother me all that much, but it does bother/offend/mystify other people who want to have us over to eat or bring us food or pick a restaurant or throw a baby shower or what not. I really don't mind not eating somewhere but it does make it really akward for me to have to give an opinion on food choices just because I'm the pickiest.... it makes me feel like no one else ever has the chance to just eat/order/cook what they enjoy the most!
Problem 3: I have a pretty good "fake face" when it comes to saying/doing the right things at church. I think its a Southern Baptist thing, you just get engrained with what the standard "Sunday School" answer is and it limits us into a boxed faith that is less than authentic. Something that hurts not only our own faith but diminishes the power of our faith witness in life.
Problem 4: I can jump off the deep end in 0.2 seconds...whether its true crisis or not...it takes all of no time for me to switch into full-out panic/despair/this-is-the-worst/I-don't-know-what-to-do spiral. Michael says I need to learn to let loose my panic button.
Problem 5: I have a really hard time living an active faith at work. I mean, I'm not a completely different person, but its really hard to balance the God factor with the "You're in trouble...don't make me have to fire you" kind of conversations. I don't want this! I want to be substantial in my witness and consistent across surroundings.
Problem 6: I eat cookies for breakfast. Which means when I'm home and my children are home, I can't eat them for breakfast because I'm a good double-standard Mom who wants them to be healthier and less picky than I am. Hencetotherefore, I am in need of a easy breakfast solution for weekends..because my cooking level/skill/desire, or lack there of, is a whole 'nother post in its self.
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