overwhelmed

I think its way past time to break the silence here.

This past month has been... a. lot. And at times it's been completely overwhelming and in short bursts its been completely normal. But overall, its just been a month. I don't write this in a "woe is me" or "my life is worse" or any sort of attention-seeking or comparison-based place. This is what my heart has carried... and I think its time to let it out.

Stomach Virus. Out of town 2 days. Hospitalization of my grandmother. Stomach Virus hits again. Transfer of Grandmother. Loss of Grandmother. Croup. Cold/Cough. Work. Car Accident involving two family members. Scare with pregnancy (not mine). Divorce (not mine). Whole bottle of Prescription Cough Medicine gone in less than 2 weeks. More cough Medicine. Infected Finger.

All of this, happening, day after day, filling the weeks of the past month. But as we emerge from to what I hope is the other side of this month, I can look back and the many ways God wove His plan through my less-than-planned-definitely-not-prepared-for month.

Stomach viruses were short-lived, and sickness was not terminal for our girls. No one was seriously injured in the wreck. There was mercy in death and a shortness of suffering. Babies and mama are just fine. Hearts are broken but protected. Fingers heal.

In all of it, I am grateful, because I see mercy and grace from God covering our family in it. There is provision. Things could have been so much worse in so many cases. We are blessed from an Almighty Savior.. who delights in being Healer... who always is Great Physician... and proudly, Father God.

But to sit back and say it hasn't been hard or discouraging or just plain out overwhelming. That I can't say, but I can feel my heart break for those who carry these burdens for longer times than I have. Who live with chronic illness or life events that seem determined to break their spirits. And I just want to hold them and say "Keep holding onto Jesus" in all things He is good and He is God and He will not fail you. Even if this isn't what you pictured your life being. Or your situation. Or your decision. Or whatever it is.

As the song says...: http://youtu.be/Lmi9IBP209s

Today.. my overall healthy babies left with their scratched up but healthy daddy. My house still stands. My family has started to heal its broken hearts - not to forget, but to carry. There are babies to look forward to in the spring. There is food in the pantry. There is money in the bank. There is still. so. much . good.

We must dwell there.

official

So... this weekend... I shot my first "official" wedding by myself!

Here are 3 of my favorites (see my top 120 picks on my facebook page)

These are all Straight Out of Camera, shot in AV with manual control.

 

 

 

Notes from this:

1. I really like having 2 shooters. This one I did by myself, and I was good, but I just love the extra options for ceremony shots from having 2 shooters.I will definitely have to call SUSACO back into town the next time I get the invite to shoot a wedding!

2. I have GOT to get my act together with shooting in dark receptions... this is my third rodeo and I still am NOT even CLOSE to happy with how those photos are turning out.

3. Outside photos can be the best and WORST lighting... when its right, it is SO SO pretty... when its not, it makes things more difficult!

4. I've got to get some more practice with the extended zoom lens... don't love it yet.

 

Wedding Stats:

Original Picture Count: 876

Deliberate Deletions: 115 (bad focus, closed eyes, etc)

Additional Not So Happy Shots (as in I don't love them): 100

Top First Round Pictures (not all inclusive): 120

Time Frame: 4p - 9p

the waiting game

there is a strange place that we sit and wait

A place where questions circle faster than answers.
... doubts and fears meet reality and tears

There is a strangeness met with anticipation, reflection, deliberation
 what lies here and beyond...

You sit and wait

The world keeps moving, things keep changing
But so much keeps standing still

You sit and wait

And in the hours where waiting gives way
The tears come faster
The heart beats stronger

Just as quickly the world turns upside down

The waiting ends

There is calmness and anguish
Laughter and tears
Smiles and sighs intertwined
With words that are shallow and words that are deep
The battle for normal, the battle for sleep

And in that darkenss, the soul cries out most

Just sit and wait.

In time things will balance
In time things will settle

The time now, is stuck here in the middle

You sit and wait.