Tuesday's Truths: A List

1. Evidently, when children turn three-ish....they are gifted with an uncanny ability to alter their breathing patterns to reflect the following: breathe in, breath out, "Mama", breath in, breath out "Mommy", breath in, breath out, "Mom" and rinse lather and repeat every 2.2 seconds.

2. Nothing is cuter than a 1 year old, butt naked in the tub, dancing to silly songs (especially when said 1 year old will not sit in the tub but insists on standing and will only reach down to pick up some bubbles, scrub her tummy, and keep standing)

3. Trying to figure out if a child is faking hurt/sick or is really hurt/sick when the initial doctors visit showed no abnormalities is absolutely zero fun. Especially when you are 7 days in and still not sure.

4. If you pick out a cute outfit for picture day, it will tickle, or not fit right and you will have about 2.5 seconds to come up with a backup plan or either be late on picture day.

5. A boy child will persistently find the items not approved for play and focus entirely on them for the duration of their free reign.


and that's my quick bites for tonight.

Tuesday's Truth: Naked

Truth: All videos of your children doing memorable things will involve them being naked. Which means you can't really share them with all the people that you want to.

And don't even think that you can get them to re-peat, re-pose or re-create that perfect naked moment with clothes on.

Just. Don't.

What y'all missed tonight due to nakedness:

Hayley saying the Pledge of Allegiance (that she's learning at school). Even though its not even close to the same as the video...here's her version, well, no its not... I can't translate it well enough to give it justice. But I can tell you the second time she goes to repeat it, it ends with "Dear Jesus...Stay In Line!" emphasised with claps

Bowen saying "whoa woah" which translates to He's Got the Whole World In His Hands...and doing the hand motions

Now use your most creative imaginations and see just how good these moments were... except you know, put clothes on them, otherwise that would be weird.

Tuesdays Truths: Insecurity & School Moms

OK, so, I know I've probably said this every entry for about 2 weeks now. But TOMORROW we start school. Last night, we went to "parent orientation" ... I put that in quotes because "orientation" would be a far stretch of the word in my book. We came in, signed several packets of paper, dropped off the "emergency change of clothes", paid the supply fee and wrote their name on the tag of their nap maps. The teacher spoke about 2.5 minutes. We introduced ourselves. It was done. Sorta. All the parents grouped up and started catching up with each other... all the parents but us. So it felt. And I say it was. It seems all the other families at least one parent is a school alum or they have older chldren who've been through the K4 program which is the model program for the K3 program which is new this year and so I felt like a complete oddball... Michael says I worry about things too much... but I really felt like I was in middle school at a new school and I was the odd kid out. Since all the other parents were really rooted, no one had questions and they didn't really seem to mind that the teacher only gave us about 3 points of information that were useful and new.

(infer Tuesday's truth here: Motherhood doesn't eliminate insecurity in group settings)

So I am trying to be a big girl and brush it off... its not like we were going into it to make lifelong friends with the parents, its not like the parents affect Hayley's school and learning experience, and its not like it even matters whether we "fit" or not since we won't even really see the other parents 90% of the school year. But, still, I was alternating mad/disappointed/hurt to have to deal with not being "in" as an adult...especially when I was thinking that with it being a "new" program the parents would share my "new" mentality in wanting to know the details and understand the year.


Ridiculous.

Tuesdays Truth: It Happens

Truth: This all goes so fast....

I am officially my mother. I think I'm going to have an emotional breakdown about this birthday school and dance thing.

Tuesday's Truths: You know you're a mom when..

1. You consider toys spread all over the floor as an additional security system. No one is coming in this house without losing their footing on the plastic warpath raging in your living room and/or making quite a ruckus.

2. You willing subject yourself to watching the same set of singing songs or other cartoons daily or weekly because, if for nothing else, its 30 minutes where no one says "mom....mama....mom...mama....mom"

3. You feel naked if there isn't a diaper bag on your shoulder in public. Likewise, you stop carrying a purse altogether and inside find an all-in-one wallet that fits inside a certain pocket on a favorite diaper bag.

4. You have found yourself not even close to matching or coordinating while your children are dressed from head to toe in matching outfits complete with hairbows.

5. You wear leggings under dresses not because they are stylish...but because it keeps your rear end covered from wandering toddler hands and changing diapers on floors or sitting "criss cross applesauce" (make that 5a that you even know what criss cross applesauce is) or bending, twisting, picking up and putting down small bodies.

Tuesdays Truths: You'll Just Never Know

As a mother, we try very very hard to be sure that we know the whereabouts and the happenings and the ins and outs of our daily lives... in my short stint of motherhood, I've also found out, there are somethings that you'll just never know.

1. You'll never know what really happens when Daddy keeps the kids by himself.
2. You'll never know what actually caused a scratch, boo-boo or bruise on your two year old...especially if you are asking them to tell you what happened. The favorite answer in our house right now is.."I was climbing a sycamore tree chasing a lizard and an alligator bit me!" yes, I'm serious, that is the only answer I can get from her.
3. You'll never know what all your crawling child managed to get in her mouth while you were and while you weren't looking... it is especially fun when crawling child learns to laugh and stick their tongue out when you tell them "Ahhhh!" and then rake your finger through their mouth causing them to laugh more.
4. You'll never know why a potty trained child who is capable of pulling up their own underwear and bottomwear will always choose to come streaking out of the bathroom when company is over.
5. You'll never know what or why or how much your children will eat one day verses another. There isn't a logical procession...sometimes, spaghetti is in. Other times spaghetti is out. Sometimes 3 bites is all of supper, sometimes 4 helpings. Its insanity!

But there is ONE thing that we will always know...

or Big Dave... or Breezy... or Aunt Mischa... or Meme... or the list goes on and on!
(found here)

Tuesdays' Truths About Motherhood: Fears

Once you become a mother, along with the inability to use and distinguish correct words from toddler jargon you will also find yourself with an ever present inner dialogue of fears which go something like this:

1. Is my child eating enough?
2. Is my child not eating enough?
3. Is my child becoming a brat?
4. Will my child be bullied at _______?
5. Oh wait, will my child be a bully?
6. Is my child not sleeping enough?
7. Is my child sleeping too much? Scratch that, you will never worry about sleeping too much because you will be praising Jesus for the quiet.
8. Is my child normal?
9. Is my child not normal?
10. Where did this child come from? (mostly thought in public when behavior is less than stellar or in private when meltdowns or fits come about)
11. Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever heard anyone say?
12. My child is SO not being friends with that child.
13. Should I be feeding organic only?
14. Will goldfish cause childhood obesity?
15. Is it normal for my child to say "say..." whenever playing, much like an interactive tv cartoon series (or two?)
16. What am I going to do if my child continues to do...?
17. Should I laugh or should I cry?
18. Should I pretend I didn't see that?
19. Am I praising enough?
20. Am I correcting too much?
21. Really, I mean, REALLY, why did I ever think I'd get this thing figured out?!

Tuesday's Truths About Motherhood

Today's theme: Things that Change with Your Second Child

1. With child number one, what the pediatrician said was GOLD. Break the bottle today? Ok! Don't sleep on their stomach? Got it! ... The second child, well, its really more of a recommendation. Break the bottle today? What? Are you insane? She goes to sleep soundly with it now, every. time. There is no way we are rushing out of a working system! Not to say that we don't honor our instructions, but you just get a little more liberal in their application!
2. You remember to breath, and it feels nice. With your first child, a fit, accident or major life event regarding said child could render you unable to function and breathe on a normal basis. Wait, they've been asleep for 4 hours straight? Are they breathing.. should we wake them? Second child, NO ONE DISTURB THE SLEEPING BABE. OR. ELSE. All kidding aside, its much easier to take child rearing in stride the second go around, because you've been through it once, and there's a certain calmness in knowing the storm before it comes.
3. They are their own person. Be prepared. I've often heard people say "If I'd had my second one first, there wouldn't be a second one!" and I thought it was an overexageration... after all, how can two children made of the same blood raised in the same household be THAT different? Well, they are. And they can. And they most likely will be. Baby Girl, while having some of the characteristics of Big Girl, is a FORCE to be reckoned with in her own personality. She just is.

Tuesday's Truths About Motherhood

I have 2 small beings in my home who call me Mama... they say children change everything, I have to completely agree... Today's Truths About Motherhood are all about the ways my children have changed my speech.

1. You begin to call things by improper names without flinching. "what's that? oh your milk is in the fridgerfrater? ok!" or "use a paper napkin" (which is actually a paper towel, don't even get to thinking I'm a cloth napkin girl) or "What do you want for snack? A cheese popsicle? ok!" (that would be string cheese)

2. You do ridiculous songs in public repeatedly without blinking. Fussy baby, line 1? "Head and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes!" complete with handmotions

3. You insert teaching phrases when reading books for the first time. "That was not a nice thing for that little girl to say was it? Oh no, we don't ever tell anyone their favorite color is stupid."